Managing Expectations

So, it's been awhile since I had anything to share, well not really, but there's been a lot going on that I haven't been emotionally able to share.  I've been on a health roller coaster since late September - been in the hospital twice and had multiple rounds of home iv antibiotics. And, last Thursday, I started to feel really not well again.  My spirit was almost instantly crushed at the moment that I realized that I had no choice but to call the doctor.  I was so scared that I made Dustin call.  Sidebar: Praise the LORD for a husband who is willing to roll with the punches where my health is concerned and to pick up the slack when I am in pieces.  Anyway, of course the doctor wanted to see me in his office on Friday.  My immediate thoughts were - "Please Lord. PLEASE. Not again. I can't do this again.  I can't live everyday in fear of getting sick and never getting better."  We were supposed to go to the ice rink for practice Thursday evening, but I completely panicked when I got in my car and just couldn't do it.  Knowing that I had been fine 10 weeks ago and now was at a point again where I needed more antibiotics, oxygen, steroids, the whole bit was just more than my tired and battered brain could take.  I called Dustin literally in hysterics to ask him to come home.  I was so panicked that I nearly passed out in my kitchen floor (yes, I know. Drama Queen!)  When he got home, Dustin decided that what we really needed to do was get out of the house for a little while to avoid dwelling on the "what ifs" - I am a champion worrier.  So, we took a drive to Target a