It's not a competition

My neighbor's mom came by yesterday to tell me that she had gotten a transplant.  Granted it was a liver transplant and not a lung transplant, but I couldn't help feeling a sad for me even when I wanted to feel only joy for her.  I tweeted the question "Does anyone else struggle to be happy for someone who gets what you really want?" and got a couple of answers, but the one that sticks out most came from a woman I have come to love on Twitter.  Her name is Liza and her answer was this "Prayer I said yest when a friend got something I was praying for 4 a year.'Thank u Lord 4 blessing them. Now bless me.' Im a brat!" and this "God's got enough good to go around. I trust His timing. It can be hard sometimes, tho!" The first reply made me feel better; that I am not alone in my imperfection. But the second one whacked me upside the head.  God does have enough good to go around.  God isn't making me wait for what I really want because He doesn't love me enough or because He used up all His good for the week already.  God's timing is perfect.  And He keeps sending people into my life that sending me running back to Him. So after Liza's response I was able to let go of my own disappointment and truly be joyous for the girl across the way.  It is much better better to have the joy in my heart rather than the cancer of disappointment. Also, please be praying for her recovery so that she can get home and back to her family!

We don't talk about it

I have Cystic Fibrosis. I don't talk about it much.  I don't like being called a CFer, a CF, a patient.  I don't associate with others like me because I don't want them to rub off on me.  The only people who really knew were my friends that I trusted not to treat me like I am fragile. Now, it's as plain as the oxygen tubing on my face.  My secret is out, and I have to deal with it now.  Now, I find myself in a place that makes it impossible to deny that I am, indeed, different. I am not weak; I am not less.  I am just different.  I need new lungs. Some people need new hearts or kidneys or livers.  I tried not to get involved in "transplant world" as I tried not to get involved in "CF world".  I don't want to be sick and I don't want to identify with being sick.  This is a state of suspended animation for me, a waiting room, a pass through to a new life.  But, I've been touched by transplant world and I have met some really incredible people who are really no different than I am.  People who are waiting to return to themselves.  I have also met people in transplant world that remind me why I don't like identifying with it.  I still don't talk about it, but I am getting more comfortable with it. I still pause when people ask about the oxygen or when I have to explain why I am in FL and Dustin is in GA. But I have found a little bit of safety in knowing that I am not alone and a lot of power in knowing that God gave me this outloud personality for a reason.  I still love to make people laugh and I still hate being a diagnosis rather than a person.  But by embracing it and allowing it to be part of my life rather, I can also begin to hope for what is to come.