Beginnings

There is a line in the movie Hope Floats  that goes "beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most".  I can certainly attest to beginnings being scary! As a self described adventurous person, I despise change.  I like status quo, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I love my house in the suburban area that I have lived in since I was 11.  I like that I teach in the same school district that I attended grades 6-12.  I like that I have friends that I have known since middle school.  I even order the same flavor ice cream at Baskin Robbins every single time and have since I was little - pralines and cream.  But from time to time, I get this powerful restlessness that I can't ever explain or figure out.  And I discovered that it isn't change I despise; it's change that I have no control over that I can't handle.  I am a control freak.  I know. It's hard to admit it.  But it's so true.  When God brings me to changes or new situations, I spend a great deal of energy trying to get around it.  Recently though, God brought me to my knees, literally, when I spent three weeks in the hospital after 6 months of wrestling with being sick.  I refused to slow down, but God brought me to a place where I had no choice but to stop.  Through that illness, He has shown me that there is some change in store for my future and that I needed to be still and listen.  This is the beginning of a new journey for me.  I have no idea where it will take me or what will happen along the way.  I only know that I have God leading and my family and friends walking beside me.  I am spending time rebuilding and redefining my life.  I have NO IDEA what I am doing, but I am learning that it is okay not to be in control.