Thursday, April 29, 2010

Is it bad to be almost 30 and have no idea what I want to do with my life?

Yesterday I took the first (tiny) proactive step towards figuring out what my next career should be.  I looked up "patient advocate" and "lobbyist" on the internet.  And they both sounded a little scary, so I turned off my laptop.  Here's the problem, most of the really smart people I know have master's and doctoral degrees.  And since I have neither, I feel woefully unqualified to do anything. At all.  I don't have any qualms about returning to school to get a higher degree, but I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I want to do. It's like being 8 all over again.  Only when you're 8, it's cute to want to be a professional shopper one day and a whale trainer at Sea World the next (even if you can't swim!).  But, when you're almost 30, it tends to make you look wishy-washy.  Also, it feels very selfish to think about walking away from a stable job with good income and great benefits when people I know are losing jobs they like.  And it's not that I hate my job, either.  There are parts that I love.  But I feel like there are crucial parts of my personality that are neglected.  And I know that no job will every be perfect.  So, I find myself making deals with God - "if you drop a job in my lap that I can do from home making $60K a year with health and retirement benefits, I'll take it" or "if you just put someone in my path to offer me the job of a lifetime, I'll take it".  It's all out of fear! I know in my heart that I want to make a move, but my head has convinced me that I need to be pragmatic.  All of this keeps me from trusting God to show me what I am really meant to be doing and what my next steps are.  I am trying not to feel guilty that this is hard for me because I know there are other people out there in the same situation.  I am so fortunate to have never had to really look for a job or work for what I wanted, but it has made me soft :)  I'll keep on praying for courage and guidance and keep on working towards this goal and hoping that I don't get in my own way.

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