Embracing the future

I am up at 5:30 everyday now so that I can start my routine with a dose of iv antibiotics, which sound horrible, but I am a morning person.  I LOVE to get up and started to maximize every second of my day.  I am also a very rigid schedule keeper, often to the annoyance of EVERYONE around me.  (I can sort of be cranky when people are late).  I usually have every minute of my day planned; it makes me happy. This morning, I woke up way early because my mind was just racing with all the things I wanted to do today.  Call me crazy, but usually when I wake up in the middle of the night or just can't sleep, I feel like it's God's way of getting me to acknowledge something I hadn't made time for in my busyness(this happens to me a lot).  So, I prayed and asked God to show me what was really bothering me.  And it became clear to me instantly - I have to embrace my situation.  An odd thought, considering I have spent the last 8 months trying to embrace the situation at hand.  But something else jumped out at me - I have spent my whole life fighting against allowing a disease to define me, but I have also not embraced the fact that this makes up part of who I am and a LARGE part of the story God gave me to tell.  I am learning that embracing Cystic Fibrosis doesn't mean allowing myself to act sick or be pitied by others.  It means being courageous enough to say I need help when I need help.  Asking for help is so very hard for me because I sometimes feel like I need so much help that it would become a burden to others.  And sometimes I feel like no one will be able to offer me the help I need.  Slowly (I am hardheaded)  I am learning that nothing could be further from the truth. 
I am in the midst of, possibly, the biggest changes of my life, but the plans are slowly forming before me.  I had to take one really big step yesterday without being able to see the ground in front of me.  But I had an army of people praying for me as I went, and God delivered.  I didn't get an answer that I am yet able to talk about freely, but God met me and gave me a supernatural peace and levelheadedness about it.  I hope I will be able to share soon what things are happening in my life, but for now, I am content to know that my first step in faith was the right one.