Lost voice

I know I started talking about the journey we are on yesterday, and I full intend to resume that discussion tomorrow. There is something I want to get off my chest first. I have lost my voice.  Not entire.  Heaven knows I can still talk! I just can't sing anymore. Singing is me. I am music. I have always loved to sing in front of people.  I will never be a recording artist or be famous for my voice, and I am okay with that. But I have always been in choir, sung solos in church, been on the praise team, even did musical theatre in high school and college.  But somewhere in the midst of all the being sick this year, I lost my ability to sing.  And it makes me so very sad.  That is how I praise my Jesus.  I sing and harmonize during worship in church and it makes me happy.  It makes me feel like I have actually been in fellowship with Jesus.  Before we left, we were leading worship for the children at our previous about twice a month.  That had become church for us. We weren't going to church the weeks that we didn't lead worship in Upstreet, and the weeks that we did lead, we only had time for Upstreet.  So for about 5 months, we rarely went to a service. We had to stop singing when I kept getting sick, and somewhere in all that, I lost my ability to sing.  When we started attending Cumberland Community Church (c3smyrna for you hip folks), I suddenly realized how much we had been missing by not being in a worship service. The first few times were REALLY hard; it took all I had not to cry during the singing because I couldn't join in.  A few times, I even convinced Dustin that it was too much effort to get to church simply because I couldn't bear the sadness of not being able to sing! How silly I was! I can't remember the exact date or even the name of the lady who told her story (Noemy, help me out). But one of the 180 videos that showed during the service was by a lady who also loved to sing and was devastated when singing in the choir didn't fulfill her as she thought because she wanted to sing solos and be out front.  Oh how humbled I was by her confession.  She said what was in my heart.  I had allowed singing to become avenue of praise for ME not God. It was at that moment that I realized not only that Cumberland would be our new church home but also that God had had to drastic measures to get my attention. I still can't sing like I used to, and I hope that when I get new lungs, my voice will return.  But now, I sing anyway! I sing because the Bible says to make a joyful noise.  Not a beautiful noise. Which is good because right now my joyful noise sounds a little bit like a trained seal! I have also learned that singing to God isn't the only way to praise Him.  There is so much more to it than just the song.  What have you had to lose in order to see God for real?