No wait, I'm not ready

August 2010
We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
Once we had a chance to process that fact that we would not be going to UAB for transplant, and we made the choice to come to Mayo Jax, we touched off a long journey of hurry up and wait. From the time we decided on Mayo Jax and filled out our application to Dr. McKean having gathered all my necessary medical records was about 2-3 weeks. Then, once he submitted my records, we had to wait another week or so for the Mayo Clinic to call us. I really thought I was prepared for that phone call.  In reality,  I am not sure I could have been less prepared.  When the clinic called the last week in August to tell me that they had accepted my case, I had to sit down to talk to the lady. My brain wasn't working right. All I could think was, please don't ask me to come next week.  Here was the phone call we had waited almost a month for and I was hoping for more time.  And I was so relieved when the receptionist told me it would be the end of September before they could fit me in. So there is was. The last week in September we would be going to meet with the doctors at the Mayo Clinic. Once she hung up the phone, I burst into tears. My reaction surprised me.  I thought that I had it all worked out in my head and that the only hard part would be the transplant itself.  I never imagined how many hard decisions and all out work lay ahead of us. But God knew and knows.  This whole process for us has come in increments.  I never had to give everything up or make many decisions at once.  But in that one phone call, it became crystal clear that this was not going to be easy and that our lives were going to look drastically different from here on out. I thought in the previous months that I learned to fully rely on God, but really, I hadn't learned nothing yet! I am not sure I'll ever feel ready for what's coming because as soon as I do feel ready, I remember the magnitude of what were are doing, which sends me running back to God...